How I feel...
I am a weak insect. Barely able to go three days without gaming before I vegetate in front of a computer screen for hours on end. I feel helpless, hopeless, angry, depressed and hurt that I have let myself get so addicted to video games that nothing else matters. I'm failing out of school (I have failed Calculus twice, and a few other courses) and I don't even care. I can't admit this to my friends or family because I think it would hurt them too much and they wouldn't understand.
So I turned to blogging in hopes to gain some support or at least be able to write my thoughts and feelings down to help myself out of this.
My past...
I've been through a lot of dark stuff throughout my life despite having everything in the world handed to me on a silver platter. I think because of that I have no discipline, motivation, ethic, moral, loyalty or anything else people my age have. I just do whatever is convenient and if it ends badly I don't care. I'm extremely shy, quiet, reserved and generally very plain. I have no hygiene and because of my gaming habits I only weigh 128 lbs at 5'11''.
My present...
I currently work at a hotel as a pool attendant (ironically) and somehow I fake being completely happy, socially outgoing, friendly and motivated. Yet it's almost all a dream because the second I leave I'm the same old unchanged me. I feel that it is impossible to change and I want to prove myself wrong. That is why starting today, I am going to quit my gaming addiction once and for all. I will continue this blog until www.blogger.com is shut down or I'm dead and buried.
Wish me luck...
